Waiting For Life to Begin

Stuck waiting.

1 1/2 months until NY.
I sit at home. Waiting.

Waiting for a sub position to open up in the schools so that I might make some money to pay the bills out East.
Waiting for a phone call so that I can meet a friend downtown who owes me money.
Waiting for details on potential bar tending job tonight.

I postpone plans to go the gym; to be productive. Instead I wait.

No one is sick apparently.
Friend has not called.
Job falls through.

It is now 4:33 and I have done nothing today but wait.

Of course those are all just excuses. The day would have been wasted regardless. It's so hard to get out and do anything when New York sits out in the distance behind a slight golden haze. A carrot on a stick leading me forward. Except I'm headed there regardless of what I do. The ticket has been bought. The date set. So what is there to work towards? Everything I do now is just biding time until the big move.

Part of me not really believing it is actually going to happen.
Part of me terrified that it will.

In the mean time I'm in limbo. The worst place to be.

Stuck waiting.