Showing posts with label Theatre. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Theatre. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Life Left Waiting

An audition today. My hands shook.
A Broadway play seen. My heart shook.
An another audition tomorrow. My world shakes.

I miss the rush. I miss the stage. What I thought easy to give up I still crave.

Such an odd feeling. Returning to a well worn path long strayed from. Forgotten and yet familiar. Where dynamic dreams lay dormant - waiting only to be reengaged and realized.

One small step upon the path and the visions instantly return. The excitement, the rush, the insecurity. What was thought given up still draws attention. And now I am disoriented and confused. An old path but a new being. I have changed since last I traveled here. Only a matter of months but the mind knows no time. Change can occur between the seconds. Or over weeks- it makes no difference.

What do I want? Is it the same as what once I wanted? I feel it too late but it never is. Perhaps with new perspective I can move about differently.

Dreams may fade and dreams may change but dreams they never die. So peculiar when the once familiar becomes strange as it changed and the original feelings thought forgotten.

But along the path I am not alone. Insecurities lurk in shadows. Demons of doubt still sit perched along the road. Waiting for my inevitable return. Luring me to the deep pits of self-sabotage, which surprisingly lay in plain site. Share/Save/Bookmark

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Personal

It's nothing personal.

I understand that. And while it's difficult not to be offended I know that it's true. It's nothing personal.

And that, I've discovered is my issue with the city. Nothing is personal. And I'm just as guilty. We all have our focus, our aims, our goals. Hard to do and see everything. Hard to connect beyond the surface- without a "what can this person do for me" or "what's in it for me" thought slipping through the head.

I book two shows. One after the other. Two months straight. Free performances. No excuses. Invite my friends, but I don't push it. Beyond a quick facebook invite and subtle reference to the shows in conversation. Hoping that people might take initiative on their own. Knowing really it's just as much my fault for not selling it. Feeling, already, like people have better things to do than see me in a small part in a small show nowhere near Broadway. As I believe it- so it is and my story proves true.

I know it's nothing personal

But for once- I wish it was.

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Editor's note: I don't write this a guilt trip. Or a pity party. Just as expression of feeling and observation of the city life. I am incredibly grateful for those few who did make it out to see a performance and do not by any means wish to disregard or demean how much it meant to me for them to come. Thank you!
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